My mind plays an interesting game with me.
I am yet to find a name for it. The thoughts give me mixed feelings. Thoughts I can never get rid of flash through my mind, then I start dwelling on them. I might be watching a movie, or going about my day (working) and these thoughts will suddenly pop up in my head.They jump at me and take over my thoughts.
There are four major things I can’t seem to forget. They are: Maa Jane(my auntie), Pastor Paddy(my dearest friend) and two articles I read from Biko Zulu blog.
My auntie died of cancer. It’s been quite long but she’s always on my mind.
I was the one taking care of my grandma when she passed but I did not feel a sense of loss. Probably because she was ill for a very long time. I thought she needed the rest, I made peace with it.
My auntie’s death is still fresh in my memory. It comes up often in my head. Her story is a sad one for another day.
I think she should not have died. I now understand some of her actions (I lived with her) and utterances. I think hard about how it looks like we’ve all moved on without her(it’s not our fault). I miss her always.
He called me ‘Ess’. That man, was a friend in deed. He would listen to me attentively. He simply had time for me.
I once told him about a minor incident with a ‘friend’. He listened carefully to the story, asked some questions and before close of day-The friend I had been trying to reach for days had gotten in touch with my money(in pounds). 🤣😂
I didn’t even know he had a tough side. That side of him surprised me. I still chortle at the thought.
He was a good friend, listener , thoughtful and very calm. I remember the first day I met him like it was yesterday.
He’d usually show up during my lunch. We talked about everything one could think of. He enjoyed teasing me just to watch me react. He asked me to visit his church and I didn’t. When he passed, I felt I had lost my guardian angel. I think about him often because there’s more I want to say to him, like what happened yesterday. I want to hear him tell me “it’s going to be alright, Ess”. I miss him.
Biko writes hard articles. I mean emotional articles. There has been tough stories but I’ll never forget a story about a “Beleaguered 28yrs old man” [A Long Post About Life]. A young man felt hopeless because life was not going as planned(he lost his girlfriend and he was jobless). He took to drinking and Biko teased him about the habit of drinking his sorrows away. Your problems only vanish for a short while, they show up when the alcohol goes away. You will be the same man to deal with it, he said. I wonder how he’s doing sometimes. I hope he’s well and life has taught him better. Hope he’s seeing better days.
Finally, that Biko article: There were birds but they didn’t sing. A Congolese woman went through HELL on earth fleeing war through the forest with her children ( I will save us all the horrid details) and later settled as a refugee in Kenya. She said she wondered where God was when all the bad things were happening to her. “....I have gone through such a series of hardships and cruelty and God has never given me space to catch my breath.”
Biko took her out to buy her a phone and she chose a phone with radio. I think about her too. I hope she hears something good often which will make her smile.
Life happens to us all whether we like it or not. Ready or not. People come our way and never leave us, not even after their death.
Corona Feelings by Chilombo
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