Ama Atta Aidoo’s Changes: What Changed For Me?

“Ah my lady, the last man any woman should think of marrying is the man she loves.” ~Nana 

I have a yearly ritual: I reread either So Long A Letter by Mariama Bâ or Changes by Ama Atta Aidoo. 

This year I was a bit confused about which book to pick. I wrote both titles on two pieces of paper and balloted. I picked So Long A Letter but deep down, there was a yearning to read Changes (the universe has a way of changing your course). 

I ditched my pick and went with Changes. 

I have read Changes more than once but this reading was an exceptional one. 

I can’t take away the roles - age, maturity and life happenings played in this particular reading.

There were pages I was very familiar with, phrases that clung to my chest, I cackled and chortled often because I could relate.The dialogues between Esi and Nana (grandmother), Esi’s mother and grandmother were profound and more meaningful to me. Nana’s advice, I noted it for myself. 

I recalled foolish decisions I made and they were painfully staring and jumping at me in fine prints. 

I read my sins. I read my thoughts. I read my life. I questioned my choices. Admittedly, I was slightly amused and saddened by the similarities I shared with a character.

“But remember it is always harder for some other women somewhere else.” ~Opokuya 

When Esi initially met Ali, I felt her giddy emotions. The beginning of love, it is sweet! I love men who charm me. I want to be able to live with their impressions when they’re out of sight.Tall men appeal to me the most. I pictured Ali by giving a face to his character. I had fun doing that. I realized my Ali(s) didn’t accurately fit one person though. Hahahaha. One has the looks, the other has the wealth and the kindness is from another. I was a little envious of Esi.

“So what of it if Ali dropped his secretary home?.....Well, just remember if a man can have two wives.....Then he can have three wives........four wives....And on and on.”~ Esi and her thoughts

How come I have never ever cared about Fusena ?(I know Fanny will roll her eyes at me). Fanny is not a fan of Fusena. Yvonne too. I understand why they don’t find her worthy of acknowledgment. However, It’s unfair to her character. We can’t pretend she doesn’t exist, interestingly even in real life we tend to wish the wives away but no, they play an important role in the relationships we have with the men they chose. 

Fusena made her choices, she exchanged friendship for marriage and it cost her dearly. Ali involved her in decisions he made. He would tell Esi he was going home. Home to who? Home to Fusena and his children. She was the mother of his children. I felt sorry for her for the very first time -when she asked about the educational status of Esi her rival. Also when she went to seek counsel from the wrong people.

Fusena, didn’t she have friends? It’s a lonely road without your pack. Ali travels a lot and seems to be charming women wherever he went. I imagine how boring it would be waiting for him to comeback home from his trips, work and extracurricular activities. Waiting for that one person to come back is daunting. That one person is for everyone, unfortunately. Fusena deserved better. 

Where is her reward for being a good wife? Is it Esi or Ali’s nameless secretary? Your friends will not have answers to all your problems but jokes, tales and gossips will make you feel better about your situation. Friends are sometimes the healthy distractions you need. 

“You are asking me whether you should marry this Ali of yours -who already has got a wife- and become one of his wives? Leave one man, marry another. What is the difference?” ~Nana 

Finally, I have come to understand: when people say they love you it may not be enough for you or it might not be how you want to be loved (that’s how best they can love you). Truth is, the choice is yours to make. You choose to either live with their definition of love or look elsewhere for the love you seek. 

I have been toying with this concept of love for a while now and seeing it manifest in Esi’s life was satisfying.

 

“There are things you don’t do to a friend.” ~Esi

Some things change, others stay the same: the friendship Esi had with Opokuya will forever be admired. Ali’s charm, exotic personality, penchant for giving fine and expensive gifts and his unmatched brilliance remain my favorite traits in a man.

Esi’s grandmother’s wits and wise-words. 

Kubi’s attraction to Esi will always excite me. The insolence Oko’s mother showed Esi still nauseates me.  

All of these make Changes a book I don’t mind being stuck with on a desert.  

Hopefully next year, I will pick the book again and see what’s new. 

Chilombo for Corona Feelings