Sunshine, Cold And Warmth

Aside the Covid-19 roller coaster of emotions, I am dealing with a routine which has been eating me up.

 It’s more pronounced because of the times we find ourselves. 

Wake-up-go-to-work-come-home-repeat. 

What do I want? To wake up after a good sleep and not think about going to work. Do nothing till I get tired of doing nothing. 

My morning routine: I struggle to get out of bed. I literally drag myself to work only because I have bills to pay and I need to wear fine clothes, drink the best cocktails, fine wines and get some luxuries.🤣😂 

Don’t talk to me about being an entrepreneur, that will take all of me and I will end up not living. I will live for my job and nothing else would matter. I don’t want to keep my head down work my ass off and later wonder why life passed me by. Worst of all; I don’t want to lose myself.

Most mornings, I tell myself, I am showing up for me. When I get to my car park, I lie to myself that I can take a short nap(I usually don’t). Rather, I have the energy for an unprofessional face beat, silly pouts, smiles and selfies to wake me up. I certainly enjoy the fun i have with myself some mornings. It’s no surprise I look forward to it sometimes. 

Now, let’s talk about the love-hate relationship with my job. I think I loathe it, show up and I am all chatty-happy with my customers (one big business then I want more wins). Honestly, It has been quite  an amazing journey so far (we will talk about this journey on a good day). 

I am a ‘people’ person and at the same time I am uncomfortable with crowds. Crowded places daze me. 

I want to stare. Yes I want to stare. Stare at nothing in particular. If something fancy catches my eye, then it’s a blessing. 

Listen to pleasurable music. 

Enjoy silence, yes, tranquility, quiet.

The silence can be interrupted only by Maya and Toni’s voices whispering sweet nothings to me. They can tell a joke or two so their daughter can laugh out loud heartily. 

And sometimes, I want to share my presence with the one who adores me. 

I desire to be looked at with lascivious eyes. Kissed and wrapped in the arms of the one. I need his cuddles to come with solace. Assuring me my dreams of doing nothing is not equal to unambition. 

I want to have it all and have nothing(not as in be needy) 😂. Am I the only one who feels these mixed waves? Hopefully not. 

My dream pose: me sitting at a beach with him (someone has to take the pictures) wrapped in a jazzy blanket because of the coldness the breeze exudes, holding a glass of wine to keep me warm inside. Loll there till the sun comes up. 

I relish the idea of some coldness and warmth together with sunshine ☀️ in my life. 

Corona Feelings by Chilombo